I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
