I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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