Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
