Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
