The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
