and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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