I wish I only lived at night.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
