Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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