I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
