so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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