Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
