i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
