They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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