i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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