so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
