i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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