He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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