also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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