go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have tasted many bathrooms
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
