The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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