I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
