Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
That's intense
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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