the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
