3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
