Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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