Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
