He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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