so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I can text with my tongue
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
