Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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