I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
