she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
