i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
