the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
