The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
