my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i would punch a child for taco bell
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
