um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
