If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The power of my boobs compel you
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
