the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
