Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
