the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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