R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
