Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize