Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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