She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
