we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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