Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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