he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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