11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
