and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
