i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
