I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
