It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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