woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize