my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
