I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
