btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
