Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
