The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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