You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
