respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
bring money and cleavage
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
