i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
