Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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