Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Who died my cat blue again?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
