Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
