Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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