Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
