we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
