Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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