Tell her she can't have a vagina
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
