The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
