Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
