went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
