That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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