I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The Olympian is in my bed
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
