a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
