I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
