called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
