I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
