i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
