i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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