Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
