I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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