Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
