im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
