The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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