Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
