I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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