Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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