just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
