i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
