Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
