my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
